Just having learned today what «Giri choko» or «Pflichtschokolade» means, I realized what a lazy bastard I can be, preferring eating chocolate, pizza and McRaclette instead of writing forced movie «reviews» no one will ever read anyway.
Celebrating this new found honesty, I’m hereby introducing a new review-format for all no-time-for-no-bullshit-film-fans out there:
The «Quicky» [measured in metric pigs]:
Here we go, starting with John Krasinski’s brillant «A Quiet Place» (Categories may vary):
Too lazy (and too drnk right now) to write a proper review (and don’t have the time to get into details, I have to get even more drnkn in a minute), but after my «Roma» “Review” I feel that I have to show that I still have some sense of proper movie-appreriationtiaion for some to like SOME artsy-fartsy movies!
I’m just rewatching «Birdman» and wanted to let you know, that it’s great and you absolutely have to watch it! Like now!!!
I problaly shouldnt wirt e this but it’s really graet, where are those really grat movies now? Frget «Rpoma», watch «Birdman»! BIIIIRDMAAAN!!!
Lets get some more Oscars over here, plse, bevore «Roma« gets, tehm!
To be honest, I didn’t plan to out myself as a hater (again, after last year’s Academy Awards disaster that was «The Shape Of Water»), but with the Oscars warming up and 10 nominations for this year’s frontrunner, I feel forced to reveal my two cents about «Roma – The Watching of Paint Dry».
Netflix’ Oscar vehicle «Roma» is like Alfonso Cuarón’s earlier multiple Oscar-winner «Gravity» but not set in space. And with the difference that I found «Roma – The Emperor’s New Clothes» to be boring and that I didn’t like it. And it doesn’t even come in color. And as I mentioned earlier, I like color.
One could state that «Roma – The CCTV Experience» is like «Children of Men», another masterpiece by Alfonso Cuarón, but not set in the future. What sets it apart from «Children of Men» is that «Roma – Arthouse, Schmarthouse» doesn’t have a story. I like story; it’s high up on my list of priorities: I even live in a 26 story building.
I’d even go so fare to compare «Roma – They Might Be Your Memories, But Why Should I Care?» with Cuarón’s «Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban», another great one that is entertaining and fully satisfying; unlike «Roma – Fast Forwarding Through The Second Half». I like to be entertained. And I like what I like.
In conclusion, I wished «Roma – I Already Miss The McRaclette» was more like «Y Tu Mamá También»: I’ve never watched it but I heard it’s great.
McRaclette – I’ll see you in another life when we are both fat.
For a moment there I really thought M. Night Shyamalan was finally back for good in all his former glory. But then «Glass» got a little clumsy and lost me somewhere along the way – just to win me back in the end.
As enjoyable and original the movie might be in general, Shyamalan once again tries a little too hard for my taste, lacking the elegance of his earliest work and for that matter, the charm of «Split», the movie that got me back on board for this one in the first place.
(In case you didn’t know, «Split» and «Unbreakable» are absolutely mandatory to see before «Glass» – it’s a whole thing now).
And though I love me some James McAvoy (I got so lucky to experience his wonderful stage performance as «Macbeth»), I’m sad to say, less «Horde» would have been more this time around.
All in all, revisiting Mr. Glass’ Meta-Comic-Super-Hero-World (almost two decades after «Unbreakable») in the weakest but still solid part of the trilogy, is absolutely worth its admission price.
M. Night really seems to be redeeming himself lately. Let’s be nice and give him just a little bit more time, he’ll get there again…
James McAvoy in Macbeth (Trafalgar Studios London, 2013)
For a few days I was very hesitant to watch this latest episode of «Black Mirror» where one can choose how the story goes. I don’t want to work for my TV entertainment, I have video-games for that, I reckoned.
But, oh man, did «Black Mirror» prove me wrong! «Bandersnatch» showed once again that «Black Mirror» remains one of the most entertaining, innovative and original series out there, this time turning it all up to 11 and the whole «pick your own adventure» concept on its head.
But «Bandersnatch» did it in such an ingenious and jaw-dropping way that it makes most of the latest Netflix exclusives sorely stay out as the lazy, uninspired, cheap crap that they probably are (IMHO).
So after having finished all available episodes of the great «The Good Place» and «Rick and Morty» (both not Netflix exclusives, mind you) and the admittedly pretty good «The Kominsky Method», the sensible thing to do after being extremely bored out by «Bird Box», «Next Gen», Russel Brand’s latest special, the publicity stunt that was «The Cloverfield Paradox» and, sad to say, even Alex Garland’s «Annihilation», seems to be just leaving Netflix for a while.
(And the cancellation of the Marvel series and the rather disappointing «Star Trek: Discovery» didn’t help either).
The only good thing I can write about «Aquaman» is that it ends. (Which is true in more than one way; the final 10 minutes of the movie were almost enjoyable).
But since this appalling piece of crab (yes, I just wrote that) presented itself as such an offending incoherent mess, I really don’t feel like making an effort here, either. So let’s just open the floodgates, shall we:
Can we let the DC Extended Universe die now, please? At this point it’s just intolerable cruelty.
This movie has the pacing and elegance of a very bad «Family Guy» episode.
«Uncanny Valley – The Movie»
You know you’re in trouble when Patrick Wilson steals the movie. (Not that he’s bad or anything, but you know, he’s Patrick Wilson).
On the bright side, «The Shape of Water» is no longer my most hated water-related film of late.
Poor Jason Momoa wasn’t given anything to work with whatsoever.
You know you’re in trouble when I think Jason Momoa was underused. (Not that he’s bad or anything, but you know, he’s Jason Momoa).
This movie feels longer than Willem Dafoe’s dong. And it’s almost as painful to watch as its scene in Lars von Trier’s «Antichrist».
Like watching eight awful movies in parallel – while sitting on a trident, and not the comfortable way.
You had to cram «Black Manta» into this, did you? BTW, have you even seen «Black Panther»?
You know you’re in trouble when Dolph Lundgren’s hair becomes the most fascinating thing in the scene.
Sicily, reaally? You don’t say?!
Harry Gregson-Williams has a brother?!
Directed by James Wan does this garbage end?
Amber please stop, it Heards!
I’ve seen way better versions of this made by children in the winter. It’s called «Snowman».
I’ve seen way better versions of this made by dogs in the winter. It’s called «yellow snow».
I’ve seen way better versions of this made by my anus in the winter. It’s called «shit».
Better late than never, I finally got to the end of this beautiful show yesterday and I’m still flabbergasted about just how masterfully the last season was crafted and the series’ top-notch quality overall.
Though «Mad Men» sometimes tended to be on the earnest, almost (almost!) dry and depressing side of things, I’ve always loved the series thanks to its social relevance, the rich characters and its on-point art direction, cinematography and music.
Where other shows fail, «Mad Men’s» seventh and last season feels fresh, positive and satisfying as hell and, above all, cathartic and extremely enjoyable. For a program that serious and ambitious, that means a lot!
So, for all the fans of inspiring storytelling, compelling drama, fine humour and perfect characters who have been living under a rock since 2007, check it out and proof me wrong.
What do you think?! Pass me that bong and please stop browsing through these YouTube videos! I’m sick enough as it is…. WAIT! GO BACK! Wasn’t that QUEEN?!
Yeah. Their concert at Wembley Stadium. Won’t get out of my YouTube bubble. Must have watched it a thousand times by now, never gets old.
Cool!
Yeah, pretty dope!
Shame the the video’s kinda blurry. Someone should make a movie out of that.
Wattayamean?
You know,… just reenact the concert and film the whole thing with the original songs, but in HD.
That’s no movie!
I know, would be cool, though…
Yeah,… always wanted to make a movie.
But who would wanna watch this?
Wattayamean?
Who would pay for a ticket to see something they can get for free online?
Just millions of Queen fans, for example?!
You’re stoned! You don’t even know how to make a movie!
We’ll find a guy to direct. Maybe even two.
Still stupid!
I got it!!!
What?
AIDS!
WHAT?! No! Really? How? Why? I’m so sorry!
NO! I mean I have an Idea! Didn’t Mercury die from AIDS?
I guess. Scared me for a moment there, you asshole!
I mean Mercury was a phenomenal artist dying young. We’ll just pretend the movie was a drama. A biopic!
Ok?! But won’t the audience notice it’s just a pretense?
Of course they will. But by the time we finally get to «Don’t stop me now», they’ll be too mesmerized to even care a bit.
DUDE! That might even work! The only audience we’d have to deal with will be Queen fans and if we put all their greatest hits in the pic, they’ll be happy. No one else will care. And the fans wouldn’t want to say anything negative about the film when all it basically is is the music of their beloved band.
Exactly my point! If we don’t dig too deep, we won’t offend anyone and the music will do all the work for us. We won’t even have to care about realistic CGI, we’ll be able to shoot almost everything on stage or in front of a greenscreen! No one will give a shit about shaky crowd simulation when there’s «Bohemian Rhapsody» playing over it.
Dude! We might be really onto something here. And you know what? I just thought of the perfect meta-joke to put in the movie. I know that really good blogger that will be the only one in the theatre getting the joke… We’ll just have to get Mike Myers and disguise him so nobody will recognize him.
Wattareyatalkingabout? You really are stoned! But talking about actors: Who could play Freddie, anyway?
Don’t worry, I know just the guy. Perfect casting, a superb actor. So good even the critics will have to say: «Not really a movie, but he nailed it!»
You mean that guy from «Borat»?
No, stupid! Have you seen «Grimsby»? Terrible, terrible idea! I’m thinking of someone much better that will surely get along nicely with the director…
Ok. If you say so. But don’t forget the music! It’s all about the music…
Whatever. I’m hungry, let’s order some pizza and watch that Wembley Video again…
While «Iron Fist» and «Luke Cage» got cancelled some days ago I’d almost forgotten that there still was a very enjoyable Marvel show to premiere that very same week:
«Marvel’s Daredevil» might have been the first attempt of bringing one of the less spectacular superheroes in a smaller scale to Netflix, but with season three the man without fear still remains the best and most solid installation of all the Marvel superhero series on the streaming service by far thanks to struggling and evolving characters and some risk-takingly spectacular cinematic moments of storytelling and montage.
But characters is what «Marvel’s Daredevil» really is all about: The show proves that Superhero stories CAN work on a smaller scale, as an action-infused drama, when done correctly (I’m looking at you «Gotham»).
The core of season three is all about family, legacy and relationships – old and new characters all get their chance to explore different angles of this underlying theme. And it’s a bliss:
Deborah Ann Woll as Karen Page gets her own superb isolated episode which sheds light on her past, Wilson Bethel as Benjamin Poindexter («Bullseye») reminded me that a great character doesn’t have to be likeable and Charlie Cox as «Daredevil» proofs once again how satisfying and cathartic a tragic (super-) hero can be. But the real show-stealer (even more so than Jon Bernthal as «The Punisher» in season two) is, of course, Vincent D’Onofrio as Wilson Fisk.
D’Onofrio’s wonderful, tragic, scary, phenomenal, uncanny performance as the «Kingpin« left me in awe. But even the secondary characters get a chance to shine: Foggy Nelson (Elden Henson), Father Lanthom (Peter McRobbie), Joanne Whalley as Sister Maggie and Jay Ali in the Role of Special Agent Ray Nadeem all get their chance to shine or at least support the impact of the main characters’ arcs.
After having stated my doubts about the quality of Netflix’ latest series in general, the fact that I usually don’t take the time to list the whole cast of an ensemble by name might show that there’s still hope, considering how well this season of «Marvel’s Daredevil» was written, performed and crafted… chapeau! I’ll take some more of that, please.
