For a moment there I really thought M. Night Shyamalan was finally back for good in all his former glory. But then «Glass» got a little clumsy and lost me somewhere along the way – just to win me back in the end.
As enjoyable and original the movie might be in general, Shyamalan once again tries a little too hard for my taste, lacking the elegance of his earliest work and for that matter, the charm of «Split», the movie that got me back on board for this one in the first place.
(In case you didn’t know, «Split» and «Unbreakable» are absolutely mandatory to see before «Glass» – it’s a whole thing now).
And though I love me some James McAvoy (I got so lucky to experience his wonderful stage performance as «Macbeth»), I’m sad to say, less «Horde» would have been more this time around.
All in all, revisiting Mr. Glass’ Meta-Comic-Super-Hero-World (almost two decades after «Unbreakable») in the weakest but still solid part of the trilogy, is absolutely worth its admission price.
M. Night really seems to be redeeming himself lately. Let’s be nice and give him just a little bit more time, he’ll get there again…
James McAvoy in Macbeth (Trafalgar Studios London, 2013)
The only good thing I can write about «Aquaman» is that it ends. (Which is true in more than one way; the final 10 minutes of the movie were almost enjoyable).
But since this appalling piece of crab (yes, I just wrote that) presented itself as such an offending incoherent mess, I really don’t feel like making an effort here, either. So let’s just open the floodgates, shall we:
Can we let the DC Extended Universe die now, please? At this point it’s just intolerable cruelty.
This movie has the pacing and elegance of a very bad «Family Guy» episode.
«Uncanny Valley – The Movie»
You know you’re in trouble when Patrick Wilson steals the movie. (Not that he’s bad or anything, but you know, he’s Patrick Wilson).
On the bright side, «The Shape of Water» is no longer my most hated water-related film of late.
Poor Jason Momoa wasn’t given anything to work with whatsoever.
You know you’re in trouble when I think Jason Momoa was underused. (Not that he’s bad or anything, but you know, he’s Jason Momoa).
This movie feels longer than Willem Dafoe’s dong. And it’s almost as painful to watch as its scene in Lars von Trier’s «Antichrist».
Like watching eight awful movies in parallel – while sitting on a trident, and not the comfortable way.
You had to cram «Black Manta» into this, did you? BTW, have you even seen «Black Panther»?
You know you’re in trouble when Dolph Lundgren’s hair becomes the most fascinating thing in the scene.
Sicily, reaally? You don’t say?!
Harry Gregson-Williams has a brother?!
Directed by James Wan does this garbage end?
Amber please stop, it Heards!
I’ve seen way better versions of this made by children in the winter. It’s called «Snowman».
I’ve seen way better versions of this made by dogs in the winter. It’s called «yellow snow».
I’ve seen way better versions of this made by my anus in the winter. It’s called «shit».
What do you think?! Pass me that bong and please stop browsing through these YouTube videos! I’m sick enough as it is…. WAIT! GO BACK! Wasn’t that QUEEN?!
Yeah. Their concert at Wembley Stadium. Won’t get out of my YouTube bubble. Must have watched it a thousand times by now, never gets old.
Cool!
Yeah, pretty dope!
Shame the the video’s kinda blurry. Someone should make a movie out of that.
Wattayamean?
You know,… just reenact the concert and film the whole thing with the original songs, but in HD.
That’s no movie!
I know, would be cool, though…
Yeah,… always wanted to make a movie.
But who would wanna watch this?
Wattayamean?
Who would pay for a ticket to see something they can get for free online?
Just millions of Queen fans, for example?!
You’re stoned! You don’t even know how to make a movie!
We’ll find a guy to direct. Maybe even two.
Still stupid!
I got it!!!
What?
AIDS!
WHAT?! No! Really? How? Why? I’m so sorry!
NO! I mean I have an Idea! Didn’t Mercury die from AIDS?
I guess. Scared me for a moment there, you asshole!
I mean Mercury was a phenomenal artist dying young. We’ll just pretend the movie was a drama. A biopic!
Ok?! But won’t the audience notice it’s just a pretense?
Of course they will. But by the time we finally get to «Don’t stop me now», they’ll be too mesmerized to even care a bit.
DUDE! That might even work! The only audience we’d have to deal with will be Queen fans and if we put all their greatest hits in the pic, they’ll be happy. No one else will care. And the fans wouldn’t want to say anything negative about the film when all it basically is is the music of their beloved band.
Exactly my point! If we don’t dig too deep, we won’t offend anyone and the music will do all the work for us. We won’t even have to care about realistic CGI, we’ll be able to shoot almost everything on stage or in front of a greenscreen! No one will give a shit about shaky crowd simulation when there’s «Bohemian Rhapsody» playing over it.
Dude! We might be really onto something here. And you know what? I just thought of the perfect meta-joke to put in the movie. I know that really good blogger that will be the only one in the theatre getting the joke… We’ll just have to get Mike Myers and disguise him so nobody will recognize him.
Wattareyatalkingabout? You really are stoned! But talking about actors: Who could play Freddie, anyway?
Don’t worry, I know just the guy. Perfect casting, a superb actor. So good even the critics will have to say: «Not really a movie, but he nailed it!»
You mean that guy from «Borat»?
No, stupid! Have you seen «Grimsby»? Terrible, terrible idea! I’m thinking of someone much better that will surely get along nicely with the director…
Ok. If you say so. But don’t forget the music! It’s all about the music…
Whatever. I’m hungry, let’s order some pizza and watch that Wembley Video again…
«Venom» surely isn’t a good movie but I still kinda liked it. It’s not so bad that it’s good but it’s a clumsy, somewhat lovable construction of uninspired storytelling, average visual effects (but pretty production design) and questionable characters saved by only one thing: Tom Hardy in the title roles as Eddie Brock and his alter ego Venom, bromancing the hell out of almost every scene they’re in.
If the rumours are true, a rushed production schedule and a late decision to not make «Venom» rated R might explain this uneven mess of a movie. The end result makes it look as if the creatives decided that if they’re not allowed to do a proper bloody version, let’s make it silly,… like a Buddy Cop movie with a hint of Screwball-Rom-Com sprinkled on top and some superfluous CGI action added for the studio and the uninitiated crowd.
And somehow, that worked for me. Like the «Tom Hardy Show» that was «Bronson» sans a good movie which would only distract and might take the focus off his performance.
I doubt that Sony really knew where they were going with this. But good for them they didn’t try (and fail again) to copy Marvel Studios’ approach and took a different way* – a strange, meandering route without any direction, purpose or destination, but still…
This silly mixed bag helps Tom Hardy’s performance to stand out even more (and somehow makes it even more enjoyable) and presents «Venom» as a strange but funny, rather forgettable, but entertaining stumble of a movie.
*) «Venom’s» mildly amusing second after credit scene – some minutes taken directly from their upcoming animated feature «Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse» – seems to confirm how truly lost they are with their remaining rights to use «Spider-Man», not knowing what the hell to do with them**.
**) At this point, I’ve given up trying to understand which studio has the right to which characters under which circumstances, but I doubt that cramming all the iterations of all the Spider-Men into one movie is the sensible way to go.
So let’s tick off that box in this year’s comic book movies list – or better: ANT🐜 off this part in the Marvel Cinematic Universe ANThology🐜.
I didn’t ANTicipate🐜 much and «Ant-Man and the Wasp» wouldn’t disappoint. It made me laugh (not as much as the first one though) and left me fully satisfied. All in all it’s pure and solid Marvel Studios ANTertainment🐜 as good as it can be for one of their «smaller» side-projects while still hinting at some bigger role for Scott Lang to play in the grand MCU scheme of things.
I won’t even address the elephANT🐜 in the room that «Ant-Man and the Wasp» is…, it’s… I got nothing there, just wANTed🐜 to put one more «ANT🐜» in there. It’s too hot to be clever today, I cAN’T🐜 even bother to give too much ANTtention🐜 to spelling in this climANTe🐜.
All I have is: Go see it, watch the two mid- and after credit scenes and let’s leave it at that ANTiclimactic🐜 review, ok?
Fine. Thank you. ANT🐜 have a nice day…
🐜) Warning: This review may contain some bad insect-related puns.
DAMMIT! I’M SUCH A FOOL! I just realized: I WAS THE ONLY ONE AT THE SCREENING AND DIDN’T MAKE ANY «SOLO» JOKE at the concession stand! That might have been a better starter to a conversation in which I learnt that an almost empty theatre didn’t really matter nowadays (in some aspect) because movies are delivered digitally now and don’t wear with every projection.
Which wouldn’t make much of a difference because «Solo» isn’t any good to begin with.
Even beforehand, I had pretty much made up my mind about Alden Ehrenreich’s Han-thankful job and his more than Han-likely success in taking over Harrison Ford’s iconic role. Ehrenreich surely didn’t help but after seeing «Solo», he cannot be made solely responsible for this disappointment of a movie. I doubt even Mr. Ford (or Harrison, as I like to call him, though he’d rather I wouldn’t) himself could have made this Han-inspired, Han-funny wannabe Star Wars «adventure» work.
It’s too generic even for a franchise as formulaic as the Star Wars universe. I haven’t seen such an empty, self-serving and Han-motivated mess of jumbled together bits and pieces of canon and fan service in a long, long time. (Not unlike this very review you’re reading right now).
There were some nice ideas in there that I might have liked but they were presented in such a Han-connected way I couldn’t have bothered less.
#notMyStarWars
And now a personal message to my co-worker Cello: Don’t go see that movie! I can’t tell you why because of spoilers. Just don’t!
Was zum Teufel war denn das? Ich gebe zu, im mag (gute) Filme mit militärischem Hintergrund. Allzu leicht lasse ich mich meist von diesem Gefasel über Kameradschaft und Pflichterfüllung einlullen. Nur schade hat dieser Film aber auch gar nichts mit dieser Thematik zu tun. Es sollte ein Film mit überraschenden Wendungen und einem «The Sixth Sense»-Ende werden.
Das ist er auch geworden, nur dass dabei die gesamte Logik und Nachvollziehbarkeit der Geschichte flöten geht. Der Handlungsverlauf, bei dem in verschiedenen Versionen immer wieder die gleiche Geschichte erzählt wird, ändert seine Richtung so oft, dass man als Zuschauer gar nicht mehr mitkommt. Ich finde, den Hauch einer Ahnung zu haben, wo man in der Geschichte gerade steht, ist doch irgendwie ganz nützlich. Das alles ginge ja noch und wäre als grundsätzliche Idee nicht zu verachten. Nur leider macht das ganze Verwirrspiel am Ende gar keinen Sinn innerhalb der Story; Zwar wurde das Ziel erreicht, indem der Zuschauer an der Nase herum geführt worden ist. Doch betrachtet man diese Scharade aus der Perspektive von z.B. Connie Nielsens Charakter, war das einfach nur viel Lärm um nichts.
Nichts gegen die Spannung im Film. Die Story ist spannend erzählt und abwechslungsreich gefilmt, Travolta und Jackson spielen gewohnt lustvoll und scheinen echt Spass an ihrem Job zu haben, was in ihrem Schauspiel auch angenehm rüberkommt. Leider ist man meist so verwirrt, dass man sich gar nicht mehr um die eigentlichen Sprünge zwischen falscher Fährte und Wahrheit kümmert und versucht, die Handlung irgendwie in ihren Grundzügen zu verstehen.
Nachdem ich fast alle Hoffnung verloren hatte, wechselte der Film am Ende übrigens noch einmal in eine ganz andere Richtung. Am Schluss kam mir der Film vor wie eine von Tarantino inszenierte Version von «Mission impossible». Das ganze fand ich irgendwie amüsant: Als hätten die Filmemacher von «Basic» erkannt, was sie da für einen Schrott produziert hatten und sich entschlossen, noch mal 5 Minuten Nonsense anzuhängen. Diese 5 Minuten blieben mir in positiver Erinnerung, weil dort irgendwie die Selbstironie, die im Rest des Films fehlte, nachgeholt wurde. Dieses Ende im Aktionspack mit Travolta’s genussvoll-süffigem Spiel ist vielleicht grade mal das halbe Kinoticket wert. Aber man sollte den Film trotzdem im Kino sehen, denn auf DVD und im TV würde man so was nicht bis zum (schönen) Ende durchstehen.
Eine Theorie zum Abschluss:
Ich vermute, im nächsten Halbjahr werden noch einige solcher abstrusen Filme im Kino erscheinen, die an sich keinen Sinn machen. Es könnte sich dabei um ein Multi-Feature-Projekt handeln. Mehrere solcher Filme bilden zusammen ein Netzwerk von verwirrenden Geschichten, die nur Sinn machen, wenn man sie in Zusammenhang mit den anderen Werken betrachtet. Schliesslich ist es beim zweiten Teil von «Matrix» auch nicht viel anders. Wenn wir gerade davon sprechen, vielleicht IST «Basic» ein Teil von »The Matrix» und…so, jetzt ist es wohl an der Zeit, meine Pillen zu nehmen.
Wohlan, wohlan. Was war es, wovor ich den willkommenen Websurfer zuvorkommend warnen wollte? Wahrscheinlich war es die zu erwartende Verwirrtheit des Lesers verwurzelt in dem wohl etwas ungewohnt wohlwollenden Fazit, welches ich dem Film «V for Vendetta» vermache. Ich weigere mich nicht, mich gegen den wahrscheinlich zu erwartenden Vorwurf einer ungewöhnlich warmen und den Wachowskis gegenüber wohlgesinnten Wortwahl zu erwehren, trotzdem will ich versuchen, meine vielleicht wankelmütig anmutenden Phrasen, welche in wahrlich wundersamen Widerspruch zu meinen sonst favorisierten Verrissen stehen, zu verteidigen. Vorgreifend will ich jedoch wohlweislich versichern, dass kein Wort dieses «V for Vendetta» feiernden Fazits den Sphären der Unwahrheit entfleucht, sondern dieses Votum tief in den Weiten meines sich vor phantastischen Werken verbeugenden Wesens verwurzelt ist.
Ich verbeuge mich vor der phantastischen visuellen Vereinigung von kritischer Vehemenz und filmischem Schaffen dieses Werkes und verfalle sogleich gewillt in in einen Lobgesang für H. Weaving, der wiederholt im Vorhaben reüssiert, die gesamte Besetzung zum Final dieses filmischen Feuerwerks wie sich selber aussehen zu lassen.
Gleichwohl ein wahrer Schwall von wunderbar wohltönenden Phrasen für Madame Portman, welche andere in Hollywood wandelnden Weiblein wie Warzen auf schwelendem Wundbrand erscheinen lässt.
Man verzeihe mir die willkürliche Wahl, bei diesem Wortschwall des Lobes der Form den Vorzug zu geben und nehme meine Versicherung gewillt entgegen, das nächste filmische Oeuvre wieder in wahrhaftigerer, gewohnt verkommener Weise zu reviewen und bis zu nächsten vergleichbaren Beweihräucherungen dieser Art und Weise eine Weile zuzuwarten.
Let’s bring the Infinity War week to an end by answering the most important question: Is it any good?
Though the Marvel Studios have managed to release one feature film after the other without screwing up, they have well proven their ability to fail with some of their more underwhelming series on Netflix. So I could nothing but hope that I wouldn’t be disappointed by their climactic showdown that could set an end to all the comic book movies (which of course it won’t).
The chance of failure was not unlikely, given the high bar they kept raising in the last ten years and the sheer scope of the whole undertaking.
Well, we all knew Marvel Studios’ lucky streak would come to an end one day – A sad day.
But that day is not today. Holy fucking moly! What a fantastic ride! Oh yes, it’s good. I mean: g o o d. It’s spectacular! Thank you Marvel Studios to let your first 10 amazing years end on such a high note, giving a now grown up man all the comic book movie his 9-year-old self would never even have dreamed of.
I have often claimed to regret to be too young to have seen the original «Star Wars» when it first was theatrically released. But that’s a low price to pay to be alive and well today and be able to enjoy wonderful things like «Avengers: Infinity War».
Didn’t hate it. Didn’t love it. But I might look into Ernest Cline’s book. The premise sounds interesting, after all, even if this movie adaptation didn’t really work for me.
At least it’s nowhere near the eerie awfulness that was «Artificial Intelligence». Even the fact that «Ready Player One» made me think of «A.I.» should be a warning sign if the reason for it wasn’t the part I liked most about «Ready Player One».
